So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
