If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
