I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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