so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We got so high we made milksteak
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize