I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
