That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
