I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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