I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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