Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
