How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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