I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
