Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
love makes seman taste better
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
