hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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