she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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