She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
