She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
