I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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