I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
