a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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