Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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