I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
