am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
