is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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