Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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