see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The convent might be a nice break from real life
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
