Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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