I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You smell like a Billy Joel song
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
