thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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