It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
