Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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