God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize