I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
