Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
