How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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