yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's shark week go big or go home
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
