WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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