P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
