If i come over, it means nothing
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
