bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
