This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
