You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
