apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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