Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Come on in and take your pants off
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