i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize