used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize