i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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