Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
