On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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