1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
