If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
