i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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