She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
