STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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