im six kinds of drunk right now
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We left the knife in your bed.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
