My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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