PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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