If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
