Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
