He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize