wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
