lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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