i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
