omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
