yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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