hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
