Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize