I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
