you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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