I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
