It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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