I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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