one two three fourrrrnication!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
