i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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