Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I look better un-naked...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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