Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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