Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
