Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
