Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
