he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
