dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My breath smells like gin and sadness
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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