If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
