Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
