Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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