I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
