Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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