____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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