the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Farmville is her only friend.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
