so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
