i need an iv and a liver transplant
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
