Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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