I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
