kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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