Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
