I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
