Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the day after is always just damage control
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
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