White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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