dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
