I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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