I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So many bounce houses so little time
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
