yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
