I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
