just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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