So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
