My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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