New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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