At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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