wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
