her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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