I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize