So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
